Being an NFL team caught in a fever dream isn’t just about being bad. It’s more than that. There’s a sense of awkwardness that hangs around the team, usually centered around prominent organizational figures who have overstayed their welcome. It creates a brand of directionless football where losses feel inevitable, and wins seem uncomfortable. It’s the type of 6-11 or 7-10 football where, by season’s end, you think, “Did they even play this year?”
Cleveland Browns (1-4)
“And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you,” (Friedrich Nietzsche).
Once you show that you’re capable of being a competent organization, you’re expected to become undeniable. Pressure builds and builds and builds… until you throw your league-average quarterback under the bus and leverage the future on a disgraced former star who hadn’t played in two years and had yet to serve a suspension for sexual misconduct allegations. Three years later, the abyss looms larger than ever in Cleveland.
Through five weeks of the 2024 season, Deshaun Watson is averaging -0.30 EPA per dropback; the lowest by any Browns quarterback since 2000 (Austin Gayle). He’s missing open receivers, scrambling into pressure, and has an overall pout about him that could not inspire less confidence. He is a shell of the man Dabo Swinney once compared to Michael Jordan, yet he holds a $72.9 million dead cap hit in 2025 and 2026.
Cleveland football is in complete limbo until Watson is benched— playing games for the sake of playing them. No real direction, just a GM waiting to be fired and a coach procrastinating the decision that would doom the man who hired him. I can already hear the podcast episodes a few short years from now of former Browns players reminiscing on how strange the Watson era was. The fever is 107°, only because the patient hasn’t attempted to subside his ailment, refusing to even drink water.
Philadelphia Eagles (2-2)
The further we get from the Eagles’ 2023 Super Bowl loss, the more it feels like a moment lost in the wind. Everyone that was thought to be known about them is questionable today. Is Nick Sirianni the right coach for the job? His seat has been put in the microwave. Is Jalen Hurts a true franchise quarterback? The jury’s still out. Apart from that MVP-level run in 2022, it hasn’t looked great. The Eagles have done a great job of continuously surrounding Hurts with a good o-line and great weapons, yet he has 19 interceptions and 14 fumbles over his last 21 games.
He’s creating his own pressure in the pocket and injuries have limited his running ability and shined a light on his deficiencies as a pure passer. He’s not a bad player right now but there is an uneasiness in Philadelphia and the quarterback is contributing to it. They obviously dropped six of their last seven last year and while they’re 2-2 currently, it’s not inspiring football. They let Kirk Cousins drive down their throat with zero resistance for a game-winning drive, they got whomped last week against Tampa Bay, and they’re 1-2 against the NFC South.
Many things need fixing, but it’s hard to pinpoint where to start. Still, it would not be surprising if they were playing January football. Usually, some over-the-counter medication and fluids break a fever, assuming it’s not too far gone.
Jacksonville Jaguars (1-4)
A classic disaster class team mastering the art of sac-religious football and starting to dread having second-half leads. Imagine that—dreading success. When the meltdowns compound and you lose multiple games in the waning moments in September, that’s what can happen. Doug Pederson is the classic case of the coach who’s overstayed his welcome in Jacksonville and it’s becoming plausible that he may not finish the season. Trevor Lawrence has caught much slack—it comes with the job—but I don’t think he’s remotely near the core of the problem. He certainly hasn’t been impressive but there is deep-seated dysfunction here.
Showing up to Monday Night Football completely unprepared to compete is unserious. Allowing Joe Flacco to score 24 fourth-quarter points on you and nearly steal the game away is unserious. Those are bad nightmares—stuff that’ll make you resent the game. And the fever’s reaching 106°, you have to go to the emergency room, you’re running out of remedies, you must break the glass… you must bring in the interim coach.
For more NFL in-depth analysis check out the post-game reactions to the 49ers and Seahawks